The Gift of Being Uncomfortable
Photo by Alicia Tardugno
As my husband would say, “You don’t like being uncomfortable.”
No. I. Do. Not.
When I was younger if I didn’t think I was going to be successful at something, I chose not to do it. I built up a resume of accomplishments, but they were things that came naturally, not things I had to struggle to achieve. I rarely felt the adrenaline rush of mastering a challenge, but I was content with the knowledge that I had some admirable strengths. I also had a father who would do anything to prevent me from feeling uncomfortable. He could and would fix anything for me. And I love him beyond words for that.
As this pattern progressed through high school and college I knew how to work hard. But I had never learned how to push past the fear of failure and being uncomfortable when something looked intimidating. I can clearly remember the first time I took that tentative step. It was 2002, two years after Barry and I had gotten married and I had moved from the Back Bay to Andover. I was a life-long retailer and stylist and knew that after all the years of working for and learning from talented people, that I wanted to use that knowledge to open my own store.
“It’s all I want to do.” I told Barry.
“Then do it.” He responded.
“But what if I fail?”
“Then you fail. And you close it. What’s the worst that can happen? And wouldn’t you rather have tried, if this is your dream?”
In my mind, Failure- capitalized and paralyzing, was the worst that can happen. The looming, undefined word, feeling, shadow… I didn’t really know what would happen. But up to that point, in my 32 years, I had yet to confront it head on. So I had zero experience working through it. I had zero confidence in myself that I could overcome it. I had zero skills to navigate it. But with the support of my husband, I took the steps to make it happen. Barry didn’t do it for me, but stood by my side, encouraging me and supporting me.
I tell my children now, “The only way through it is to go through it.” Fear is our minds holding us back, not necessarily a truth, and it’s important to recognize the difference.
What if my children could learn this now, instead of in their 30s? What if we actually sat with that amorphous demon named fear and just looked him in the eye and said, what’s the worst that could happen?? What if we allowed ourselves to be uncomfortable in order to build the resilience needed to navigate the ups and downs of life?
Nothing exciting comes from being stagnant. Nothing creative comes without being inquisitive. No hard earned accomplishment comes without some fight.
There is a quote I found:
“What if… everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for?”
Like it or not, I’m pretty uncomfortable these days. But at this point in my life, I’ve had some more practice. I’ve accumulated some tools in my tool box to deal with the feelings associated with being uncomfortable and afraid and I refuse to allow it to paralyze me. I continue to focus on what I learn on a daily basis about my strength, resilience and will. I continue to appreciate the power of asking for help and vulnerability and facing my fears head on.
And I remind myself that ultimately, I have no control except for how I react, and that the only way through it, is through.